In the news ...

Strike One

A Redford, Michigan man says he is tired of being ignored by his wife and he's going on strike. James Wilson says his wife, Valentina, is spoiling their children by letting them sleep in his bed. "I'm going on strike against my wife because she refuses to remove the children from our bedroom," Wilson said. Wilson is protesting by sitting on the roof of his home. His wife seems to be fine with the idea. I bet she told him, "While your up there on the roof, clean out the gutters and fix the loose shingles. And for goodness sake, stop picking your nose...the neighbors can see you."

The Mouth That Roared

The most obnoxious human on the planet, Terrell Owens, released a new rap record called "I'm Back." In one cut from the record, T.O. says,

I got what I wanted up front, 10 mil.
I changed the rules of the game, so now how you feel?

Here's a new's flash, Terrell. Mil doesn't rhyme with feel. What an idiot.

It Ain't Over

Apparently Scientologist Tom Cruise has insisted that his fiancé, Katie Holmes, give birth to their child without painkillers - or screaming. Practitioners of Scientology are against drugs and prefer a "silent birth" because they believe it's traumatic for babies to hear their mothers groan or cry. Mothers are allowed to moan and cry if they watch the Tom Cruise movie "Cocktail."

Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard wrote in his best-selling book, "Dianetics," that women should "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go." Bear in mind that this is the same guy that wrote "Battlefield Earth."

I watched my wife give birth two times and all I can say is ... it ain't over 'til that fat lady screams for an epidural.