Questions to Ponder

Here are some questions that I often ponder ...

1. If Captain Picard of the Starship Enterprise is originally from France, then why does he speak with an English accent?

2. If a woman gets a hair treatment that is called a "permanent," why does it only last for a few weeks?

3. Is it okay for a chunky, forty-something white guy to feel bootylicious?

4. Why does Yogi Bear wear a tie?

5. Why do I keep getting e-mails from people who say they have technology that can enlarge my organ in just a matter of days? How and why did they get my name? I happen to be quite pleased with the size of my Wurlitzer, and I wish those people would just leave me alone.

6. Don’t you think it’s strange that the word “phonics” is spelled with a ph? I understand that some kids even get hooked on phonics. They should be illegal.

7. Have you ever noticed that out of the three Rs (Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic) only one of them actually starts with the letter R?

8. If we evolved from monkeys, then why are there still monkeys?

9. Why do men have nipples? It’s a good thing they don’t work, because if they did, we’d be squirting each other in the middle of business meetings.

10. What was Bullwinkle’s major at Wassamatta U.? I’m guessing art history.

11. How come movie stars say they don’t care about money and then they force the film studios to pay them $20 million plus a percentage of the box office for a lousy movie? They claim, “It’s not about the money; it’s about practicing my craft.” Just once I’d like to hear a regular guy named Dave say, “I don’t fix lawn mowers for the money; it’s my way of paying homage to my craft.”

12. The Psychic Friends Network went bankrupt. Shouldn’t they have seen that coming?

13. Why are so many beautiful women attracted to ugly guys? Here are some examples: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, Shania Twain and Robert “Mutt” Lange, Paulina Porizkova and Ric Ocasek, Christy Brinkley and Billy Joel, and Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson.

14. If a cat actually got your tongue, what do you think he would do with it?

15. If a rabbit took a Viagra, would he explode?